Goals - Do we need them?

I had made it to Iowa when I suddenly thought to myself, “What am I supposed to do now?” Previous to this earth shattering realization, I had goals. Get into the best college in the country – check. Study abroad – check. Get that job in finance – check. Business school – check. Change careers – check. Though not written down anywhere, there was a list, at least in my head, of things I expected to accomplish in my life and now that I had done all of them, I faced an unprecedented situation. I realized I had not put anything else on that list. Here I am on my way back to California after a decade spent in Beantown with a mound of student loans but no discernable plan.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I had no reason to complain about my situation. I had no tale of woe, nothing to feel sorry about. I had a good job in an interesting company. I was moving to beautiful Southern California; back to the area of most of my long time friends and my family live. I should feel at ease, calm, contented, proud, patting myself on the back for a job well done. But instead there was a sense of panic rising in me. I needed a goal!
Okay, what could it be? Well, obviously marriage and motherhood, right? Although I was a serial dater, never long without a boyfriend, marriage was one of those things I just never really planned on. Sure it would be great to have Mr. Wonderful sweep me off my feet but up until that point, I never really imagined myself uttering those “…til death do us part” vows to anyone I had ever gone out with. Nice guys (well most of them anyway). Any of them could have made a nice partner to go thru life with and most of them have made some other nice girl very happy. But, I had about a 3-year attention span until my eyes started to wander and that great guy started to wonder what the hell was going on with me. So I really just didn’t see that as a realistic goal for me to put on the list and start working toward. It just wasn’t that important to me. Motherhood? My mom died when I was a kid and I just didn’t see procreation happening for me at least until I got past the age my mom was when she died (she was 34, at this point in my story, I am only 28).
So do you really need to have a goal? Can’t you just be? Okay, I did end up getting married – a whirlwind internet dating success story which will be left for another time and I did have a baby (I made it past 34 and had my girl a month before my 38th birthday). But I have to tell you, I am still kind of floundering on that goal question. I am heading into another major transition in my life, moving back across the country to my husband’s hometown, New York City. He got a new job and the move is allowing me to transition out of my current career, which is a blessing. It will be a blast I am sure, raising my kid in the city, restaurants, shows, museums, not sitting in So Cal traffic every day. But I don’t really have a goal. Should I?